I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
