I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
