Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
