We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
There are leaves in my underwear?
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