u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
