Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You've changed since you got that strap on
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize