when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
