I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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