so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize