you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
