that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
