new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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