so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
