Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
