oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
