what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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