I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
