So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
