If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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