Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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