I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize