Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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