Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
