he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i love accidental penises.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
