why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
