i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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