I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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