did you get engaged???
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
