So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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