just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize