Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
