I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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