i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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