can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
