I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
