don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
