Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
