Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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