so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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