I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
