We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
