I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
