the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
