im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
