You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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