i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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