Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
