My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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