I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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