Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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