I could make wine with my vomit
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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