I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
