nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
