u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
