Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
