Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
