chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
