I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
