Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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