this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
