For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
