I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize