I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
