I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
