Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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