Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?

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(627): View more from California

his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room

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(201): View more from New Jersey

just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'

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(517): View more from Michigan

There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are

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(303): View more from Colorado

Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.

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(630): View more from Illinois

You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated

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