I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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