Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
