I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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