just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
