I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
