about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize