soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
